What do I believe

When I was a kid, I remember realizing that my dad would die, and when he does, that’s it. That really scared me because I didn’t know what would happen to you after you die. So I started to make some theories that really scared me because everyone including me will die. I started to believe that after you die, you will feel nothing, see nothing, hear nothing, taste nothing, smell nothing, and think nothing. I believed that after you die, you would neither be in a place of peace or war, happiness or sadness, just everywhere and nowhere at the same time where there is no time. Your death is the end of you, and when it comes, you go. The idea of God and going to heaven after you die was an idea that many people pressured me to believe in God by saying many things to me like “ If you don’t believe in God, you will go to Hell. ” and “ You're so weird, God is real and that’s that. You're not invited to my birthday party. ” and they kind of ignored me. This mostly happened when I was in first and second grade. So since I didn’t want to go to Hell and didn't want to be ignored, I started to believe that after you die, you go to heaven, a place where you live forever in a perfect world in the sky. Then later on, an older kid came to me and asked, “ Do you believe in God? ” And I said “ yea, after you die, God takes you to heaven where you stay happily forever in the clouds! ” He then asked “ have you ever been on a plane? ” And I said “ yea ”. Then he asked “ do you see heaven in the clouds or God on the plane? ” I said “ no. ” Then he said “ Then how can you prove he’s real? ”And I realized something. I only believed in God because everyone else around me believed in God and they wouldn’t accept me for not believing in what they believed in. They wouldn’t let me be me. They wanted me to be them. So I stopped believing in God, and started to wonder if people only believed in God and heaven because they are scared of death, and wanted to “live forever” in a way like I kind of did. And didn’t people make the bible?  I began to wonder more and more, ask more and more questions, and my curiosity and knowledge grew the more I asked questions. I found a great interest in the universe and everything in the universe, stars, planets, galaxies, the big bang, and black holes. How little us humans are, compared to everything else around us. But then I found an interest in the things that make up everything, such as atoms, quarks, string, etc, etc. I realized that us humans weren’t only incomprehensibly small, we were also incomprehensibly big. I believe that there isn’t a limit to how big or small things can get. There could be something bigger than the universe and there could be something smaller than string. I still don’t know for sure what I believe happens after you die. Maybe you will reincarnate after you die, or not. But the sad truth is that it will happen. You don’t know when, but you know it will.